Monday, December 29, 2008

"Not much, lissen, I've got this dead horse on my hands here, wanna come help me beat the lving christ out of it?"

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


-my eye drops got cold and the view from outside my window has a color scheme of orange and green.
I owed the bank three hundred dollars and now I owe my father three hundred dollars.
-what’s beautiful? A sunrise. What’s ridiculous? Twisting pretzels and watching the sun rise over the seven eleven. What’s beautifully ridiculous? Writing a blog about it later.
What’s just sad? Owing your father three hundred dollars.
My hands could be described as looking “ashy” these days, with bloody little nooks where I’ve nicked them on things. Like hands of a little old homeless lady in the right light. It’s weird and neat and all, but something needs to be done. I have nail clippers though. And moreover, a proper place in which I keep them.
I also want my room to smell like something. Domesticity and Hygiene.
And it’s Christmas soon and tomorrow I get to pick up my Uncle at the airport. There is a fun sort of romance in picking someone up at an airport. Active participation in a real-life “Home for the Holidays” drama. I’ll be looking forward to this until just moments before I have to actually leave and basically drive to the fucking airport on Christmas eve.
FORTUNE COOKIE from STEVE; the message inside- “Be broke or be wealthy, but never accept mediocrity”.
I owe my father probably way more than three hundred dollars.
By what standards to I judge mediocrity? Whose?
this is heavy business, but no time for that now. I need to bundle the hell up and find the nearest mailbox.

PS> all B's and two pluses in there this semester. I'm content. at very least there aint nothin mediocre about the END of that nightmare. guhbye, good morning, happy holla daze you knuckleheads.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


kyle, originally uploaded by keithrobertbush.

check out this hero

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Temple, When will you be angelic? When will you take off your clothes?
har har har
but seriously.

[on a quest for unutterably profound and never before attained levels of funkiness and leisure?

why yes i am, funny you should mention...but where does a guy like me find the time in todays topsy-turvy, bizzy-wizzy world?

why, winter break!]

in my life, i've never experienced anything more emotionally taxing and psychically rigorous than laziness.
.true courage.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

The Hilarious Case of the Bum Drum, et cet.

notable recent happenings:

-resurgence of badminton
-inexplicable constipation
-failed "Bum Fire" and cocoa night, as the bum drum which Max procured evidently used to be a trash can---acrid fumes in the yard. [Cheltenham Twp. Parks]
-successful cranberry-raisin muffins with a hint of orange peel
-process ad nauseum
-basement spray paint factory- sticky gray fingers
-missing keg tap? Reward if found
-waning terror
-constant tea
-impending yet almost tragically overdue raise
-"Taste of Willow Grove" -paid to eat free cookies and drink free Stella in santa claus hats
-completely fucking upside-down sleep cycles
-hanging ten on the academic wagon, basically

at any rate, there's this. which is hilarious if not helpful:
"I shit on the chest of fun"
-Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

honk honk honk honk, okay bye

Keithy Bushy

Sunday, December 07, 2008

What does it mean about things:

-when the half-empty mug of mulled wine on your bookshelf which has been there for days because you were too lazy to take it downstairs is rationalized after the fact as,
-some sort of weird hippy-dippy cryptic message to yourself, a warning:
To not over-imbibe in things like mulled wine because mulled wine is one of many possible causal factors to:
---the several-day, post wine gastrointestinal discomfort, a general “wigginess” of the belly
[but are more convinced that the left-over fried won ton had more to do with this whole business].
In actuality were just too lazy and probably ought to have more important things to be thinking about, jeezuz, what’s the matter with you…?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

christmas card

christmas card, originally uploaded by keithrobertbush.

barrelling up the highway listening to 'the sultans of swing'

because it's your mother's birthday which provides a good excuse but you would have done this anyhow.
and also because it's taco tuesday over at the mineral springs hotel even though you don't particularly even like you'll probably order a cheesesteak.
and then your mom convinces you to order some french fries too, so she can pick at them when she's finished her taco or two, except this time you'll be clever and when she asks for some fries you give her some fries and say something like, "happy birthday mom, there ya go". and push the big ass basket of beer battered french fries. and the mineral springs hotel is supposed to be haunted [though you've seen no evidence of this] and theres also an old man who sits at the corner who calls your parents "kids" and looks at you and says i guess that makes me your grandpa, and you say "well nice to meet you then, grandpa" even though you've met your grandpa a whole bunch of times.
[this guy still owes you a "tullamore dew" from when you met him the first time]
but at any rate this is what you're doing for what seems like no reason until you remember it's your mother's birthday. but the sultans of swing is on the radio because it's really either that or U2 or somesuch right now.
then you'll think about how you used to wonder around now [somewhere between the sheonersville road exit and the billboard with the very attractive young woman riding on a stationary bike] how high the river was or if you had it in you to make it up past the bridge today.
but instead now you're wondering whether or not that guy will make good on his tullamore dew. it's taco tuesday and you realize you've only brought half of your necessary homework home and you've switched the radio to the U2 station without really even wanting to and you realize 'aww shit i'm listening to U2 why the hell am i driving up the highway listening to the god damned radio?' and then you tell yourself that it's your mother's birthday and that you would have been doing this anyhow. besides, the dog will be excited to see you and you've been excited to hang out with the dog. and you're thinking of all the nice things you can do on your mother's birthday because you'll get there early enough to start a nice fire and get the place all comfy for when your mother gets home from work and you can empty the ashtrays and get the mail and be generally a good kid. even though you're homework isn't getting done tonight you're a good kid, you're convincing yourself. and then you switch the radio station again [this time on purpose] and hear something like

"As I climb the golden stairway up yonder
And life's journey on this Earth is o'er
As I cross the Great Divide
Will they welcome me inside
With my yodel lay-eee-ooh-my-lay-eee-tee
Yodel lay-dee-ay-dee-ooh-my-lay-dee-tee
Will there be any yodeling in heaven
And the heavens above
Will they sing the songs we love
While I yodel lay-dee-eee-ooh-my lay-dee-tee"

and you then realize the river's too high anyhow and are glad you won't have to lug your backpack and things upstairs. you're a good kid and the house will be toasty as hell when you're mother gets home.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Saturday, November 22, 2008


last night: i dreamed i had a Facebook.
this morning: i got rear-ended.
tonight: new environmental context for rampant self-involvement?

so how are you?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

i love the internet again


honkycat, originally uploaded by keithrobertbush.

dear professor,
i am writing to apologize for my absence from class this morning. while i understand that regular lecture attendance and classwork are important to my academic success, for some reason i decided that it would be best to stay home and just paint an elton john so.......

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

About Me

My photo
It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking It's a friend, and it's a companion, And it's the only product you will ever need Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange, And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion