Tuesday, December 01, 2009

how do i feel?

-money sticks to itself
-i'd be happy if i never got an email ever again
-fun tends to be either illegal, expensive, or far away
-i miss girls and stuff
-sometimes feel like a super hero
-i am talking back to the internet
-on the up and up so to speak
-give him what for
-time out for fun

Thursday, July 02, 2009

adieu, adieu, parting is such dumb sorrow

i like this because this sam beam character looks remarkably like my brother, kyle, were he maybe just a bit hairier. not to mention its pretty music . also, i love you blogger and thats why i'm leaving. (i can't quit you baby so i'll put you down for a while)

besides i have a 'u' key that sticks.

Friday, June 26, 2009

i just 'bing'ed 'google'.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

don't fucking touch me

I said, "Doctor, (Doctor!) Mr. M.D., (Doctor!)
Now can you tell me, tell me, tell me,What's ailin' me?"(Doctor !)
He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Yes, indeed, all you really need is good lovin'!
(as well as this bottle of Sulfacetamide Sodium Opthalmic Solution.")
good lovin'!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

break at work

drinking coffee and rainwater in even ratio, [the coffee for the antioxidant properties, rain for the oxidants] and the kid says to me over the din
"this gets repetitive"

Thursday, June 11, 2009

"But the need," she protested, "it's void. What can fill that?"
He cocked his head and grinned at her. "What is already filling it. The real thing"

-Thomas Pynchon

Quitting Cigarettes is very hard. But if this works out, I'm counting on you to not let me be one of the preachy ones.

[it kind of feels like your soul really has to pee and your best bud just up and disappeared]

Monday, June 08, 2009

cinnamon surrogate cigarette

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

another dumb clean joke plus new 'interactive' epilogue!

Dear Diary,

I was driving home and imagining a picture to myself. The picture was of myself [a favorite subject, is this not why I have a blog after all?] It wasn’t really an exciting picture, but I was imagining it hard and that’s what counts. Though I suppose driving home is a sort of bad time to be really imagining anything or fully delving into daydreams, etc in the first place. But anyhow I was and a little bored, and a little lonely too [is this not yet another reason I have a blog?] And in the picture of myself I was wearing cowboy boots. I am not sure why, maybe it was because of the hillbilly music the radio was playing. At any rate, I’m driving home and picturing this and I’m thinking to myself, “Jesus, I look silly, who wears cowboy boots with shorts?!”

Hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Your turn to imagine a picture of me:

In real life once I wore black-loafers-with-no-socks-and-shorts-and-short-sleeves -and-a-tie to a wedding because it was the groomsmens’ “uniform” and I had to. I was a little fat then.

Looks like Baby Huey or something right?

Okay bye!
-Keith Dubya

Monday, June 01, 2009


i stained a dock, i am proud of myself.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

"I feel like a fuckin', i don't know- like a buzzard or somethin'"

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

they don't write 'em like they used to

[thank heavens]

or 'summer anthem'? if you prefer:

speaking of matchsticks
here is a ukulele some old man made out of them and then later put images of it onto the internet-

speaking of all of this, here is a picture of nicholas cage-

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

lost weekend

so you remember that feeling you get when you're all set to go someplace, lets say, church or a wedding, you're all dressed up and ready and trying not to fuck up the creases in your pants, et cet. but it's not time to go yet really so you're just fucking around sitting all antsy on the couch in your tie and theres not enough time to even get into anything or go out and play so you just kind of sit there? yep.

in other news: i've got this box of fruity pebbles which i should finish because they're getting stale. [ps. i've been cutting them with grape nuts in a sort of half-assed, albeit tasty attempt at healthfulness]

Friday, May 15, 2009

i swear to god

this seriously pretty much sums up a tattoo commission i got

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

what does it mean

when a black cat crosses your path but that black cat was being assaulted by another which was interrupted in the process by your very path-crossing? whoah, how about it? reading too much into things? yes but why not. my boss read me my horoscope the other day and i'm thinking 'oh great, just what i need...more hoodoo superstitious nonsense mucking up blah blah blah' but the horoscope said people would be complimenting me willy nilly so i adopted the ol' willful suspension of disbelief and had a blast.

also-minor scrapes and burns, minor monetary tragedies, will they mind if i brush my teef at work?, proud of 'cutting back' to about a pack a day, googling 'e-cigarettes', 'lateen rig', and 'steve prule prom'.


here is a haiku

happy-dumb smiling,
trudgin through ugly nonsense
oh boy, supper time!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Resume Transmission

because i did something cool [e-dentity crisis]

bare styrofoam hull, contrived rudder pin, duct-taped sail >>> Manic Monday

Sunday, May 03, 2009

dear diary [thanks j.j. abrams]

yesterday after work i drove some golf balls at a golf ball driving range and two little boys laughed at me. it hurt my feelings a little but at least they didn't try to rob me. i am bad at golf. later on i fell out of a tree. it was a good day!

here is a fun exchange:
"because you're good like that?"
"duh, if it's good, i'm like it-- most of the time"

there was also pizza and plenty of good old fashioned joking-around. i sure love springtime but bedtime is still scary sometimes. i've been streaming old episodes of LOST so that i don't have to think about myself, which is healthier and cheaper than getting blind drunk and just passing out. hoo-ray!
i have to go to work now, bye.
keith dubya bush

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Saturday, April 25, 2009

xtra, xtra read allah bout me!

[miraculous leisure!] all that i sort of dream for ever and try so hard at attaining happens on accident!

way late on reading cause using amazon.com is not always the best choice [just go out and get it, you bum].
order finally arrives and the weather is gorgeous, decide "make a day at th'beach of it". pot of coffee into backyard and read the whole damn thing out there. romance of solitude
[nelson's 'Steel Drivin' Man, the untold story of an american legend'].
breaking only when max comes out to demonstrate a 'Dra-no Bomb' [Dra-no sink un-clogger poured into empty water bottle with a some tin foil crumpled up and dropped in]. awesome, and surprising explosion that left a molten smoldering stinky mess. just take a break from academics for a bit good old fashioned american fun.
days rule go outside, there was also a bumble bee that buzzed around above my right shoulder for a good portion of the afternoon like some fairy creature from an old nintendo RPG video game. spring time.

please excuse manic-dumbness in grammar and also the brevity. i am a very busy man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love, keith w. bush

ps. for music fun that you're sort of ashamed of:
a- google and stream radio show called 'the many moods of ben vaughn'
b- make an 'against all authority' pandora station.

you'll lose your cool points but its worth it, you jerk.
okay bye

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

this is profoundly stupid

Tuesday, April 07, 2009


thumb around a while thru a book of mediocre poetry with somebody else's reading glasses on.
it's like drugs.

Monday, April 06, 2009

"The blue light was my blues-

the red light was my mind,
[all my loves in vain]"

real feel good shit, right?

so one afternoon, still feeling hopelessly hung over and with nothing much to do i realize 'holy shit, the fucking internet's broken!'
yeah, use your pretty little imagination, you'd be bummed too right?
so i despair for a while, weep for several hours, and finally content myself to get real heavy into television, whatever.
point is, next day i realize it's back. the internet is back and better than ever!
'internet, what happened? you were always so feeble. free, yes. that was nice of you. but always an unreliable twerp. whats the secret to your new efficiency, your talent?" i ask.

'well keith, you see i wen' down the crossroads at midnight, where'pon i was met with legba hisself. first, i nearly lost my nerve an' fled when i seen his big red eyes, and balls o' fire spillin from his mouth, but i worked up the courage. we struck a deal, a trade, a bargain...my soul for fa-cil-it-y...'

physically, internet doesn't seem to have undergone any changes- is perhaps a little jumpier than i remember. anxious as hell as a matter of fact.
he didn't dwell on the subject of his 'deal', but did woefully mention later that now his own mama won't even speak with him. "chased me straight off the front porch", he said.
i'm not sure what to make of all this, really. am not even certain i believe it. the internet does has a tendency to embellish the truth when it's not completely making things up.
just thought this was noteworthy, and am just reporting the events as they were put to me.
-but wondering whether or not to pray for the poor guy, would it even do him any good?

Monday, March 30, 2009

a bumper sticker/t-shirt idea

"drop your parents' money - not bombs"

you can have this idea, free, to use and stuff. it's all yours because i am lazy or not that into it in the first place. but you'll probably make a shit ton of money if you target the proper demographic- namely,"the new college left"
good luck, knucklefuck!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

“The holy dove was moving too…”

But oh well. “Oh well”- indeed. The PG “Fuck it”- a sigh of begrudging acceptance, draped over a feeble linguistic armature- Acceptance of what, exactly? The unavoidable, of course. “Oh well”- the heathen’s serenity prayer. “Oh well”- the tragic punctuation to a noble effort. “Oh well” is never for the victorious, it is never celebratory. The seven priests with seven horns did not “oh well” at the terrible destruction that they wrought. “Oh well” is seldom heard at a wedding. We do not receive “Oh well” cards on birthdays or graduations. On and on.
But as noted, “Oh well” often follows a certain amount of “…but not for lack of trying”, or sometimes the old “…at least we had a good run there, though, huh?” Hope, potentiality for greatness, trying, etc often precede the utterance. And there’s something in that at very least. Furthermore, said “punctuation” is more than just overly-romantic drivel (I hope). Be the “Oh well” a curt and dignified period, or exclamatory (though have you ever heard an inquisitive “Oh well?”) what is sure is that it connotes a full stop.
A full stop and onward. We could here delve into “endings as new beginnings”, which is a nice thought, though by now a bit threadbare. I’ll spare us both.
Oh well.
But to be sure, the things that are unceasingly snatched out from under our noses are not always treasures. And that which we find dropped into our very laps often turns out to be shit. For each “Oh well” there’s a “Hell yes”. (Though, this of course isn’t empirically true so to speak, many of us enjoy a comfortably balanced ratio. And besides, that shit was rhetorical gold, baby).

But again, what is it exactly that I’m getting at here?
Typing, duh.


Typing when I probably ought to be drawing- drawing when I ought to be taking notes- but on the whole somehow managing to “git’er’done” in some strange manner.

So umm, how are you?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Dilly-Dallying Hither and Thither

Lately shit, or rather "things", in general are strange. And while I often tend to embrace said strangeness, cultivate it even, it seems to have reached maximum capacity-- Crossed the splintered threshold into complete incomprehensibility. Seeing that the situation is too weird to assimilate by any normal human capacity, I've consulted several mystics on the matter. One emerged from his trance weeping and refused to speak with me any further.
Another, who after several minutes of poring over her tarot cards, was only able to mutter "go fish".
All were dumbfounded.
Seeking guidance in more practical arenas has proved equally fruitless. My physician simply referred me to the nearest Wine & Spirits. I turned even to my very own grandmother, who instead of her usual words of kindness and encouragement, told me [very kindly, gingerly, grandmotherly...to go fuck myself]

So having taken the advice of each of the latter, and finding myself confused as ever, I at long last devised what I consider to be a brilliant new "tack" from which to approach the problem on the whole. While this new method is not without its share of kinks to work out and by no means answers any questions, it seems promising in its ability to alleviate the pains of existential freak-outs, general feelings of "stop-the-world-i-wanna-get-off", catholic guilt, etc.

I've entitled the aforementioned "tack" , "The Keith Bush Method". It is a relatively simple concept and is easily employed. Upon his/her decision to adopt "The Keith Bush Method", the individual performs first a brief ritual whereupon they select and prepare their own favorite sandwich. They are then instructed to [important: on the diagonal] cut their sandwich in half and select one of the halves to eat. As soon as they finish partaking of their half, the other remaining is cut once more [this time by the proctor, who as is explained now should be viewed as a physical representation of "the incomprehencible drag"] The proctor then, without asking permission or expressing gratitude, helps himself to one of the portions and smears the other into the individuals face and hair. This should be done with nonchalance, the proctor is encouraged to here remain as aloof and cool as possible. The ritual here ends when the individual [belly full and tastes satisfied, in spite of his ridicule, etc] is asked whether or not they would "Like to give dessert a whirl?"
Whether this offer is accepted or declined makes no difference, as here [important: before the individual chooses] the newly-initiated is clubbed and returned safely to their bed before consciousness is regained. Indeed, in many cases, the process leaves the individual more confounded than ever. But this is perhaps where the success of this method lies. They find themselves blessed with the newfound knowledge that the "search for meaning" is often way-strange and messy- more trouble than its worth, and while that wacky sandwich ritual may have been like, "kinda symbolic, y'know?" that they ought to lighten up and give less of a shit lest they find themselves in some weirder sort of mess. there are more pragmatic things to worry about after all...

like how in the hell you're going to pay off enormous dental bills, for instance.

allow me to describe my face to you.
Mutilated? Grotesque? I've just returned from the dentist, where I had tiny bits of road removed from one tooth, and a total of three filed down and totally reconstructed. They somehow managed to put them in pre-nicotine stained, much to my relief. But while the problem of looking like a cartoon of a hillbilly is solved, I'm afraid that only time and copious amounts of triple antibiotic ointment will take care of the overall spookiness of my aspect. When describing the situation to my boss, he replied, "So you look like a boxer? Thats kinda cool".
I do not look like a boxer.
Unless of course the boxer was had at with a cheese grater.
Oh well.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"Come Hither, Hope"

dear internet-
You're a rotten, sluggish, toxic creep. But i mean, what is there to be done?-- you're so damned cuddly. While this by no means excuses you of the good old fashioned protestant scorn-fest which you've long deserved, your humming, fuzzy warmth does buy you some time. I'm in a good mood. Who knows, maybe you'll shape up by the time this issue has time to be righteously dealt with. And besides, you do have a very likable tendency to "come in handy" and perhaps even will before i'm through here:

-but get this-
after a brief and surprisingly smooth conversation [by which i mean jocular, amiable, and not overly steeped in "awk-sauce", as they say] conversation with one Captain Ray Williamson, i had the pleasure to be sure that my until-then-presupposed Maine sailing exodus/apprenticeship was in fact a reality- a reality that which unlike many of its other manifestations is worth being elated about.
In any case, our dialogue wrought the following

- a “ballpark” departure to Maine in mid-July, for a “ballpark” one month’s responsibilities as an apprentice messmate aboard an eighteenth century schooner. All the details I’ve been given regarding said responsibilities are:

- that time with them isn’t “a vacation”. [which luckily for both parties, I had not assumed] I take a certain amount of dumb-pride in labor. I can after all justify my employment with the Pretzel Factory by this mentality. An example that the Captain gave of my tasks was “uhh, y’know….peeling potatoes. Things like that”. I’m even excited for such stereotypically repetitive crap-work such as this. It’s romantic if nothing else. I do however hope that other, more exciting tasks are delegated to me. Could you imagine the comedy of getting up there to find that peeling various fruits and vegetables made up the whole of my work load? Anyhow…

-I’ve got to bring the uke:

When I had given my name and inquired whether or not he had a chance to review my resume, the Captain replied, “Ohh yeah, you’re the ukulele guy?” –

“Ha, yep. That’s me..blablabla, you know… just uhh, simple old rock-and-roll progressions..blablabla”.

I had mentioned the ukulele under the “Interests” subheading, knowing that crew and passengers alike are encouraged to bring whatever instruments that they might play. Capt. Williamson explained he had purchased a baritone uke on a trip to Hawaii and gave me specific instructions to learn some “Old Hawaiian tunes” to teach him.

The extent of my ability wasn’t discussed very far, but I’m pretty sure that our good Captain might believe me to be far more talented than I am. While this is nerve-wracking, it will at least give me the motivation to finally become more-than-half-proficient-at-best with the thing. I can take a challenge.

As is evident, the whole plan remains vague…I’ve relayed to you all the details I’ve been given. But my still-nebulous perception of it [lack of many important specifics, really] is by no means discouraging. One thing is solid- that they’re planning on me. The red tape and other details are bridges to be crossed when they’re gotten to. Until then I suppose I should day-dream, bone up on my knots etc., and annoy some roommates and neighbors.

www.mainewindjammercruises.com ought to fill you in on some of this goodness.

I’m sure I’ll report more as it progresses.

Internet, you’re lucky, you know that? I mean, not only are you cuddly and sometimes convenient, you’ve also help sate one of the basic and inherent needs of a young, ‘livin’ in the future’ male such as myself---the old vanity. Who else but you would entertain my horse-shit for this long? Bless your little heart.



Tuesday, March 10, 2009

"hi, my name is keith bush, i applied for your summer apprenticeship and was umm, just wondering if you had a chance to look over my resume..."
"ohh, sorry. we've been a bit behind. captain ray had a skiing accident and hasn't been in the office. but what's your telephone number...etc?"

-basically still playing the waiting game. but the 'skiing accident' i guess helps calm my nerves about the whole thing--if it only serves to humanize the man who has my summer in his hands.

knock on wood, dudes. the lady called me back to let me know she had dug up my resume.
the questions of how large the pile is from which it was dug out, and how qualified mine makes me out to be are still up in the air.
but the whole thing is beginning to feel closer.
i was losing hope there for a while.
who knows?

otherwise-- rowing upstream yesterday, found it enormously difficult. not at all like how i remember. have i fallen hopelessly out of shape? or is the current just increasing in strength? i'd wager it's a combination of both. i haven't gotten out since late september. and the docks, which spent most of winter resting on the banks are floating again. furthermore, at some point in the course of the night, the beached christmas tree was washed away. i'm looking at this as a weird mystic symbol for the departure of winter, and the inevitable following spring.

i've been tracking mud through the house ever since, and i shaved my head all over the kitchen floor.

messy messy.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

"Reality is subjective, and there's an unenlightened tendency in this culture to regard something as 'important' only if it's sober and severe. Your Cheerful Dumb are not so much happy as lobotomized. But your Gloomy Smart are just as ridiculous. When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. And you get to take yourself oh so very seriously. Your truly happy people, which is to say, your people who truly LIKE themselves, they don't think about themselves very much. Your unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence." -Tom Robbins

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

sleep deprivation, peels depravity, part two?

Walking home under the old Uptown theater and were there any stars inside they'd have soul. But it's been long boarded up and now painted brown.
And were there any stars in the sky you'd make some sort of self-serving wish on one. You've learned to do this from Jimminy Cricket as a little boy.
"Hey young mayn, c'you hyepp me out wit some chaynn?"
Were there any chaynn in your pocket you probably would have hyepped her out. But just moments ago you realized the chaynn you were carrying was exactly enough to pay for exactly one plain McDouble, so you figured what the hell, right? And you spent it on a plain McDouble.
And were there anything in your head, anything, it'd be brilliant, you're thinking to yourself.

Friday, February 06, 2009

how's about tellin a story.

there is a huge flock of weird birds having a weird bird conference on our block. they've got a brindle-y coat of feathers and i want to call them warblers, because that's what they're doing.
they seem out of place, or generally confused.

last night my mom told me she dreamed that i had a lap full of foxes and i was breaking their jaws. one after the other.
now whaddya make of that, huh?

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

"Be afraid of not feeling very much."
William T. Wiley

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

the things i do to make the drive from work home go by a little more quickly.

there is also something about putting all of your eggs into one basket as a labor-saving technique in the process of counting all of your chickens before they hatch.--- which is just as dumb. [see: "a bad joke. but a clean one. below].

but before you go thinking something like, "that's not funny": whats really not funny is the sound of i-swear-to-god a crying dog like right outside your window. or the funeral parlor on the corner where sometimes coming home from work you see them carting a body around under a maroon blanket.
christ, man.
stay positive.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

a bad joke. but a clean one

I remember as a child, my father who late in the evening, after several whiskeys and just before retiring to bed, had a habit of emptying the change from his trouser pockets. Then removing the pennies, he would wander around the house and delicately place them heads-up in any odd place, beside the third banister on the stair, next to his left shoe, peeking out from under the rug in the hall, etc. Then in the morning he would pick them all up again and place them back into his pocket. Once, I suppose as soon as I was old enough to realize the peculiarity of it, I asked him why he went through this ritual each morning and night. He put me on his lap and said to me, “Keith, a man makes his own good luck”.

Monday, January 19, 2009

day off

day off, originally uploaded by keithrobertbush.

Shove self-righteous douchebaggery up the ass of dismissive snobbishness.
Give yourself a headache.
Build a perpetual leisure machine.
Dream about red ink.
Imagine yourself on a boat.
Forget yourself, Fuck yourself.
Over-indulge in self-denial?
Chain-smoke and to hell with your own ideas.
Make big plans for yourself. Go downstairs.
Get rid of your headache.
Forget over and over to brush your teeth.
Bundle up, fart, and pretend.
Feel dumb-lazy-crazy. Tomorrow won’t.
Miss your brother.
Redesign your machine.
Reef. Realize they’re all huge flakes.
You are too. Laugh at it.
Get down to the significance of the wall-eyed cat.
If any.
Too much time on your hands? Wipe it off on the internet.
Shit, man.

Monday, January 12, 2009

more griping

more griping, originally uploaded by keithrobertbush.

Dear Philly Wi-Fi,
I heard this thing recently about you crashing. crapping out, if you will. If there is any truth to this, it means that what I am currently picking up here is some sort of mysterious residual signal thats just floating around. I'm scraping the bowl here, milking it dry, whatever. But i've opened the window to aid in the flow of the spare little internet particles ino the house and to the tin-foil antenna that i've devised and attached to my spare USB port. but then again, i'm no scientist, and don't know anything about how any of this really works.
it's like that chicken soup thing when you have a cold. it might not help, but hell, it couldn't hurt right? I should tell you, philly wifi, that i think i lifted that chicken soup adage from some sort of womens' aging-gracefully-and-keeping-a-stylish-home type of magazine that i found at my mother's house. but she's aging okay, if you ask me, and her home is simply gowahgeous, so they've got some credibility to me, y'know?
so what am i getting at here? couldn't tell ya, really. just having some coffee and planning my next move, which invariably begins with going out back for a cigarette and chasing off the gang, [flock?, gaggle?, murder?, pod?] of stray cats who gather in our back yard. i think the one that looks like garfield is the "peter pan" to their "lost boys". he's certainly the biggest. and his makeshift throne made out of fishbones further supports this assumption.
Note- we think one of them [the cats] infiltrated the house somehow.
Oh well, so i mean, is there any sort of cohesive, or in any way noteworthy thing to tell you about my most recent happenings and misadventures? lessons learned? profound insight gained?
well, for one thing. Do not body-slam your house guests. this is just poor hospitality.
Furthermore, do not spend too much time thinking about anything that has ever happened to you, anyone you've ever met, etc. Ever, this will do nothing but bum you out. conciousness is a bitch sometimes, and you can easily avoid it by reading constantly about other people's experiences, or sleeping. oftentimes the former helps ease you into the latter. If neither of these methods works, get drunk [quietly, and alone] or fuck around on the internet [but be careful to ration what's left of it].

PS. a package just came for maxwell, from CHINA. it's got chinese all over the box. I have every reason to believe this package contains a real live tattoo machine. keep yr fingers crossed. and come pay us money to mark you all up.
i have a steady hand, promise.

go fuck yourself,

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It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking It's a friend, and it's a companion, And it's the only product you will ever need Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange, And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion