because it's your mother's birthday which provides a good excuse but you would have done this anyhow.
and also because it's taco tuesday over at the mineral springs hotel even though you don't particularly even like tacos.so you'll probably order a cheesesteak.
and then your mom convinces you to order some french fries too, so she can pick at them when she's finished her taco or two, except this time you'll be clever and when she asks for some fries you give her some fries and say something like, "happy birthday mom, there ya go". and push the big ass basket of beer battered french fries. and the mineral springs hotel is supposed to be haunted [though you've seen no evidence of this] and theres also an old man who sits at the corner who calls your parents "kids" and looks at you and says i guess that makes me your grandpa, and you say "well nice to meet you then, grandpa" even though you've met your grandpa a whole bunch of times.
[this guy still owes you a "tullamore dew" from when you met him the first time]
but at any rate this is what you're doing for what seems like no reason until you remember it's your mother's birthday. but the sultans of swing is on the radio because it's really either that or U2 or somesuch right now.
then you'll think about how you used to wonder around now [somewhere between the sheonersville road exit and the billboard with the very attractive young woman riding on a stationary bike] how high the river was or if you had it in you to make it up past the bridge today.
but instead now you're wondering whether or not that guy will make good on his tullamore dew. it's taco tuesday and you realize you've only brought half of your necessary homework home and you've switched the radio to the U2 station without really even wanting to and you realize 'aww shit i'm listening to U2 why the hell am i driving up the highway listening to the god damned radio?' and then you tell yourself that it's your mother's birthday and that you would have been doing this anyhow. besides, the dog will be excited to see you and you've been excited to hang out with the dog. and you're thinking of all the nice things you can do on your mother's birthday because you'll get there early enough to start a nice fire and get the place all comfy for when your mother gets home from work and you can empty the ashtrays and get the mail and be generally a good kid. even though you're homework isn't getting done tonight you're a good kid, you're convincing yourself. and then you switch the radio station again [this time on purpose] and hear something like
"As I climb the golden stairway up yonder
And life's journey on this Earth is o'er
As I cross the Great Divide
Will they welcome me inside
With my yodel lay-eee-ooh-my-lay-eee-tee
Will there be any yodeling in heaven
And the heavens above
Will they sing the songs we love
While I yodel lay-dee-eee-ooh-my lay-dee-tee"
and you then realize the river's too high anyhow and are glad you won't have to lug your backpack and things upstairs. you're a good kid and the house will be toasty as hell when you're mother gets home.
- ► 2009 (42)
- ▼ December (9)
- Keith Bush
- It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking It's a friend, and it's a companion, And it's the only product you will ever need Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange, And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion